Living isn't Living without You
by night014
Summary: What would you be like if the love of your life was killed right before your eyes? And then realize it's entirely your fault? Olivia Harris lives day by day, barely able to get through to the next. She has to live without her best friend, her love. Fred.


"NO! FRED!" I screamed, bolting up. My chest heaved as I looked around wildly, scared shitless.

"Damn it!" I gasped, putting my head in my hands as my eyes started to water. It was the third time this week I've woken up in a cold sweat, screaming. It's been almost four months since then. Since the war… since Fred's…. _death._ It's still hard for me to say it. Isn't time suppose to heal? The pain just seems to be getting worse as everyday without him goes by.

I shook my head, trying to put that terrible day out of my mind. I was there that night. I saw it happen…

***_flashback_***

Fred, George, and I went out into the grounds, leading a group of students.

"Keep your eyes peeled"

"Fight back"

"Don't be afraid to use the killing curse"

"These bastards deserve it"

"And most importantly"

"Watch each other's backs" Fred and George finished together as we walked across the damp grass, preparing for battle. The night was cool and the grounds were silent, the calm before the storm. This was it, the battle we've all been waiting for. We knew it was coming, but hoped it wouldn't.

Once we were in position, Fred turned to me. His eyes, so familiar, were wild, full of excitement. He was ready for this war, and wasn't going to back down.

"Liv" he stated. His eyes seemed to melt as he said my name. They became soft and warm. Love ran deep into them, but on the surface, they looked, almost…scared. Fred pulled me close to him, kissing me tenderly on the lips. It was loving and warm; I never wanted it to end. But it felt as if Fred was kissing me as if it was the last chance he'd have. He pulled away, studying my face.

"Go back up to the castle" he said, more serious than I've ever seen him. "While you still have the chance." I shook my head, not believing what he said.

"What?" I asked, stunned.

"I want you to go back up to the castle" he repeated.

"Fred. No." I said, shocked he would say this to me.

"Liv, please" he pleaded, holding my hands tight in his and staring down into my eyes. How could he be saying this?

"No, I'm not leaving you" I stated, as if it wasn't optional.

"Damn it Olivia!" Fred shouted angrily. "It's too dangerous down here!"

"That's exactly why I'm not leaving!" I shouted back, keeping my ground.

"Go back up to the castle! Now!" he exclaimed, dropping my hands, and driving me in the opposite direction.

"God damn it Fred! It's not like won't. I can't. I'm not leaving you down here!" I said defiantly.

"Yes you can Olivia! You'll be safe! Now GO!"

"But you won't!" I cried back, tears welling up in my eyes. Fred just sighed, running his hands down his face. "If you want me to go back up to the castle, you have to come." I tried, voice shaking.

"I can't Liv" he simply stated. "I have to fight."

"Wherever you are, that's where I'll be. It's not a choice." I said weakly. Fred crumbled, and wrapped me tightly in his arms.

"I just couldn't survive if something happened to you" he whispered, resting his head on top of mine.

"And I couldn't live not knowing" I replied, burring my head deeper into his chest, breathing in his scent.

"Alright" he breathed, more to himself than me. "But you have to promise me something Liv" he said, looking me straight in the eyes. "You have to promise me that if I'm hurt or get hit that you'll leave me and save yourself." I looked up at him in utter disbelief.

"Fred. I couldn't…"

"Promise me" he said sternly, looking me dead in the eyes.

"But" he gave me the look. "Fine" I regretfully sighed. He kissed me urgently, the war was about to begin.

"I love you. With all my heart" Fred stated, lightly pecking me on the lips again.

"I love you too" I answered, looking into his lively eyes, not knowing what was ahead.

"STUPIFY!" someone shouted to my left, sending a jet of red into the dark abyss. The first spell of the war, there was no turning back now…

***_end of flashback_***

I cried silently to myself as I clutched the pillow next to me to my chest. Why did he have to go? He thought he was doing the right thing, but… now I'm alone. Alone in the world, without the only person who really knew _me_.

"Goddamn it Fred!" I cried out, as the horrid scene flashed before my eyes.

***_flashback_***

We were fighting back to back, curses wildly flying past our heads as we tried to make our way through the castle. It was crazy; chunks of stone were strone across the floor, people shouting, running by…

"Come on Liv! We have to keep moving!" Fred shouted over the noise. We pushed back a few death eaters, and bolted up the hall. Fred was in front of me and I was right on his heels. _How the hell are we going to get out of this?_

"OOMF!" I grunted as my feet were taken out from under me. Looking around, I gasped in horror at what I tripped over… a body. I was frozen in shock as I stared at the lifeless form of Colin Creevey beneath me. He was only a kid! Not even seventeen yet, and now his life was over… done…

"Liv!" Fred rushed over to me, blocking a curse and shooting another with a flick of his wrist. Pulling me to my feet he looked to see what I was staring at. "There's nothing we can do for him now" he said, eyes sad as he pulled me away.

That was the first body I'd seen during the war, and it had unnerved me. One minute this sixteen year old was fighting for the greater good, and the next, he's dead. I couldn't shake the image as I was half dragged down the hall; it was as if Colin Creevey's body was glued to the inside of my eyelids. As we sprinted down the corridor, Fred and I passed Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They seemed to be really busy, like they were trying to find something they really needed… We made a few turns around some corners, running at top speed. I had no clue where we were running to exactly, but all I knew was that we couldn't be in one place for too long… that's when you'd get in trouble.

We made a left, and found ourselves along the hall of armors. It was quiet, this part of the castle hadn't been touched yet. Looking down both ways of the hall, there was nothing. Fred took a deep breath, and let it loudly out. He ran his hands through his short flaming hair, tugging on it in frustration. He looked at me with those golden brown eyes that were once full of fierce excitement, but now only held fear and uncertainty. It scared me shitless.

I ran and jumped into Fred's arms, constricting my arms around his neck as he did the same around me. _What have we gotten ourselves into?_

"I love you Olivia Rose Harris" he mumbled into my neck, kissing it. I closed my eyes, wishing it didn't have to end, wishing we didn't have to go back to fighting, back to hell… "and when this is over, I'm never leaving your side." I slowly opened my eyes, looking straight into his, smiling. He was smiling his goofy grin that always made me laugh. Right then I knew we'd always be together forever, his eyes told me of our future. His eyes were intent on mine, but they shifted, looking over my shoulder. Fred wasn't smiling anymore, but before I could turn around to see what he was looking at, I heard

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" howled and I was thrown to the side. In mid air, my eyes locked on Fred's, his arms outstretched from throwing me. He wasn't scared, or regretful. His eyes told me that he was only sorry and he loved me...

It happened so fast, by the time I screamed, it was too late. The jet of green hit Fred square in the chest, the light left his bright eyes as he fell, defeated. I hit the wall of stone, just as he hit the cold stone floor.

"NO FRED!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, not caring that my head dripped with blood. I crawled over to his body, sobbing, not believing that he was gone. I heard cackling, laughter as I hung onto Fred. I looked up, wet tears streaming down my face. Two people stood about ten feet away. They looked to be brother and sister, if not twins. Short, plump, wild looking.

"Pathetic" said the woman, still giggling.

"Yes indeed" cackled the man.

"Don't worry stupid girl. You'll join your precious ginger soon enough" she laughed, pointing her already raised wand at me. I gritted my teeth, and clutched my wand. _That BITCH!_ "Avada kedavra" she lazily said, sending a green jet towards me.

"PROTEGO!" I blocked the killing curse and shot my own, hitting her brother in the forehead.

"No! You little…" she started, but before she could do anything I had paralyzed her. I slowly walked over to the frozen death eater. Looking down at her, her beady eyes shot from me to the brother lying next to her. I glanced at him. My first killing curse…

"Oh your brother got the good end. Yours is going to be much more painful. By the end, you'll wish I'd just killed you" I muttered darkly. I stomped on her nose, crushing it beneath my foot. Her eyes watered. Next, I crushed each of her fingers, individually. Crying, this bitch could do nothing about it. I then turned to my wand, thinking about how she heartlessly killed Fred. I used the cruciatus curse. The paralyzing spell was undone, and her screams echoed throughout the hall, vibrating off the cold, stone walls. I would do this for awhile, then drop her on the floor, awhile, then on the floor. She sobbed, and pleaded for me to stop. But did she show mercy to Fred? I don't think so. Finally, I stood over the murderous bitch, and said

"Rot in hell" then I killed her. The fire that had fueled me, fizzled out as I walked back to where Fred lie. I turned to mush as I saw his blank eyes staring up at me. I crumbled, falling to the ground, erupting into fresh tears. "Fred. Oh, Fred" I sobbed, my head buried in his chest.

***_end of flashback_***

Still crying, I climb out of bed and go over to the closet. Blindly searching, I finally pull out one of Fred's old sweat shirts, putting it on. Pulling the hood on, I draw the strings tight around my head, trying to get it as close to me as possible. It still smells like Fred… Tears still spill down my face, unstoppable. Climbing back into bed I burry myself in the covers, bringing my knees to my chest. _How am I going to live through this?_ I shake my head in the pillow, putting my hands in the pockets, wishing Fred's were entwined with mine… My fingers brush something…

Pulling it out, I find a small, black velvet box sitting in my hand. _Oh my god… _Tears frozen, heart pounding, I slowly open it. There, resting in the middle of the box, sat a gorgeous _diamond ring_. Shocked, I gently pulled it out, staring in utter disbelief. On the inside of the band words lit up, reading "Forever & Always, Fred" written in his own hand writing.

"Oh Fred!" I cried, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks. A lump rose in my throat, and my voice got caught. I couldn't believe it… I grabbed the small box, placing the ring back in it, and instantly disappeared.

I stood in the middle of a dark field that was all too familiar. I dropped to my knees, sobbing into my hands.

"Why Fred?" I whispered, looking up. In front of me was his granite tombstone. Fred lay beneath me; he'll never pop up, laughing, and say "Got ya!" ever again… "Why did you have to do this to me?" I asked, as if he was standing in front of me. Looking down at my hands, I shook my head, a blazing passion flaring up. I found myself standing, "Why did you have to go and die?" I shouted at the tombstone. "You left me here, all by myself! What the fuck am I supposed to do?" Tears of fury ran down my cheeks. I was trying to forget him, trying to make it easier… But, it was impossible, especially at night. Memories flooded back to me, and when I wake up, our place constantly reminded me of him. His cloths, our bed… And then I go and find this ring! Fred's making this so difficult! He's gone, but I'm still here. Alone. "I hate you!" I shouted, throwing the small velvet box at the stone. "We were supposed to stay together forever! Have kids and grow old! But now that can't happen because of you! You're dead!" I sunk to my knees again, broken. "And it's all my fault" I quietly whisper, tears of agony and pain streaming from my eyes. At that moment, the cool fall wind blew. It felt as if it was caressing my face, trying to make me feel better. And then the black velvet box bumped against my knee, popping open. I looked at it in amazement, noticing something I hadn't before. A note was wedged into the siding. Taking it out, it read

"Liv,

You are my life. You're the only reason I have the strength to get through this, and I love you with all my heart. You are the peanut to my butter, and don't forget it. No matter what happens, please be happy, you know I hate it when you cry. I'll love you, Forever & Always.

All my love,

Fred"

As I finished reading this, the breeze again caressed my face, and I felt something deep down. I'm not alone, I never was. Fred's right here, with me. He kept his promise, he's never left my side. I smiled, for the first time since his death, as I took out the beautiful diamond ring, _thankfully it wasn't damaged during my rampage,_ and slid it onto my ring finger. It fit perfectly, as if it was _meant_ to be there. And that's exactly where it will sit…

I leaned up against the tombstone, welcoming the memories as sleep washed over me. I faintly felt a blanket being softly laid over me as I cuddled up "with" Fred, and fell fast asleep. No matter what, Fed and I'll be together, Forever & Always…

what Olivia wore the night of the final battle

polyvore .com/final_battle/set?id=40035054

(copy and paste into your search bar and remove the space between polyvore and .com for it to work :D )

Hope you liked it! :) i know its depressing but it is what it is... R&R


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